“My ex-husband left me in the middle of the ocean. We were diving in San Maarten, and he left me and swam back to the boat, convincing them I was already on board. We were exploring a shipwreck, and when I turned around to find him, he was gone.” – Threads user, Lisa Jo Jimenez.
What does abandonment mean in a marriage? If you’ve ever seen films like Double Jeopardy or Sleeping with the Enemy, then you’ll know this is not an uncommon practice among low to middle class income earners, unfortunately. The abandonment of a spouse occurs when one spouse leaves the other without consent, stops providing emotional and/or financial support, has no valid justification for leaving, or intends never to return. It is recognized in many states as a form of marital misconduct and, in some places, can be used as grounds for divorce.
However, there are two types of abandonment: physical abandonment and constructive abandonment. Physical abandonment, similar to what this Threads user described, occurs when one spouse literally leaves the home and cuts off support, or in extreme cases, leaves the other in a dangerous situation. The other is constructive abandonment, where one spouse remains physically present but refuses to fulfill key marital duties. This can include extreme neglect, refusal of intimacy, or complete emotional withdrawal.
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Do not enter into marriage unless you are certain, and be sure to work with an attorney to organize your affairs long before saying “I do.”
The way abandonment affects a marriage is that it can influence alimony, the division of assets, and, in some cases, inheritance rights such as the elective share. According to She’s SINGLE Magazine, “a study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior shows that marriages where the wife falls ill have a 6% higher chance of ending in divorce than marriages where the wife remains healthy. The determining factor for whether a man will remain with his wife seems to hinge on her perceived usefulness to the marriage or relationship.”
If a man is unhappy in his marriage but does not want to pay alimony, especially if there are no children involved, there is a possibility he may attempt to create a narrative of “being left,” documenting gaps in communication or support and claiming the other spouse walked away without cause. Another tactic is to force separation conditions, which means making the living environment hostile or unworkable, pushing the other spouse to move out.
There is also the possibility of using illness or hardship strategically. A man may allege neglect during a vulnerable time in an effort to establish abandonment. In some cases, the law allows courts to consider whether a spouse abandoned a sick partner, which can impact inheritance rights. However, this is not automatic and depends heavily on the facts and evidence presented.
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WHAT IS A SPOUSAL RIGHT OF ELECTION?
Spousal election, or elective share, is the legal right that allows a surviving spouse to claim a portion of the deceased spouse’s estate, even if the will tries to leave them little or nothing. This exists to prevent disinheritance. There was a case where a husband died and left a business, a marital home, and an apartment to his daughter and wife in his will. However, due to a right of survivorship on the deed, the wife was set to inherit the marital home anyway through operation of law. But here is where things became complicated. The daughter, who is only the child of the decedent, did not believe that her portion of the estate should have been shared with the ex-wife.
Well, under spousal right of election, that was not the case. When the daughter sold the home she inherited, along with the business, she was required to pay her father’s ex-wife one-third of the proceeds to satisfy the elective share. Now, is this something that happens automatically? No. A spouse must file a Notice of Election, and the deadline is within six months of the issuance of Letters Testamentary or Letters of Administration. The notice must clearly state the spouse’s intent to claim their elective share, including the decedent’s name and date of death.
This is where abandonment enters the conversation. While abandonment must be intentional, without justification, and proven in court for it to have legal weight, it is sometimes used as a tactic by individuals who hope to leave their spouses without having to pay alimony or, in the case of death, without having their children share a portion of the estate. When a man falls ill, he will often require care from his spouse, and many spouses assume this role without even being asked. However, when a spouse refuses to take on this role, the other party may attempt to claim abandonment.
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Despite the fact that this is not a common occurrence among the wealthy, it is a tactic that does exist and has been used. Is it successful? Not always. This is why having an estate plan is one of the most important steps you can take when building assets. Pre-engineer outcomes before anything goes wrong, but keep in mind that even if there is a will, it can still be contested, and the heirs or beneficiaries may not receive exactly what was intended. The only way to be completely certain is to have a clear and well-structured plan. If you die intestate, the estate is eventually divided among your children according to state law. If you die testate and appoint an executor, that person is responsible for overseeing the distribution of assets and ensuring your wishes are carried out.
If you are someone who is not getting along with your spouse, think carefully before attempting to abandon them. Courts often favor the spouse who can prove abandonment or willful intent. Many states are particularly protective of spousal rights, with New York being a notable example. Do not enter into marriage unless you are certain, and be sure to work with an attorney to organize your affairs long before saying “I do.”
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Jakob Crane is a finance writer covering capital strategy, generational wealth, and the decisions that shape long-term financial positioning. His work explores the intersection of money and influence, offering readers a measured, insightful perspective on modern financial life.
